You’re a cruel boss.
“Not true! I treat everybody with respect.”
What about your team members, Matt and Megan?
“I don’t have any problems with them.”
Are you sure?
“They get things done for us.”
Megan and Matt hate each other.
“They seem to get along just fine to me.”
Are you paying attention?
“Hey, that’s mean!”
You’re the cruel boss.
“You’re being a jerk.”
Your blind spot as a manager is cruel to your team.
“What blind spot?”
You procrastinate about conflict management.
One of the hardest parts about being a manager is conflict management. In my experience, early detection and intervention are crucial when it comes to containing conflicts.
“But I manage conflicts.”
Sure you do. You intervene when it’s absolutely necessary, after all hell breaks loose and the theater of cruelty is putting on a royal performance, causing all kinds of grief for your team.
French playwright Antonin Artaud coined the term “Theatre of Cruelty” to describe an intense form of theater. I borrowed the term to describe how unresolved conflict can spiral out of control, creating a hostile work environment. Theatrical productions require a producer. People in leadership positions often become unwitting producers of these unwanted productions.
“How can I be at fault for conflicts between my team members?”
You’re the boss. Conflict management starts with you. As managers, we get to know the personalities and working styles of our team members. We become aware of the warning signs of budding conflicts between our team members. You need to mitigate those conflicts before they turn into full-blown disruptions for your team.
“My team members are adults. They can work out their disagreements on their own.”
You’re showing a natural human tendency to avoid conflict. You’ve acknowledged the existence of discord, but you don’t want to get involved. You’re hoping the opposing parties will reach an accord on their own, saving you from having to intervene with a difficult conversation.
“But I’m slammed with a full plate right now.”
You’re procrastinating. Aren’t you? Because conflicts can be ugly, messy affairs. Emotions become charged. Feelings get hurt. You know what? The longer a conflict goes on, the messier it gets, inflicting greater damage to your team. Procrastination pushes off the inevitable for another day. You’re doing a disservice to your team – and the opposing parties – when you fail to intervene early on. Instead of being a leader, you’re being the producer of your very own theater of cruelty.
“You’re right. I really do need to get on top of conflicts.”
That’s great to hear! You’re heading in the right direction. You already have a gift. You can sense a brewing conflict, but you’re being avoidant. You need to change your behavior to take swift action. The key to making that behavioral change is to recognize the signs of conflict management procrastination:
Deny – Nothing is wrong
Yep. Nothing to see here. Nope. It ain’t happening. And the moon is made out of chocolate cake and gummy bears. All of us have used denial as an excuse to avoid a conflict. We see the friction between two people, yet we deny the reality of it. Acknowledge evident problem? Deny evident problem? You’re in procrastination mode.
Downplay – Not as bad as it seems
Sure there’s a conflict, but it’s a wee little, teeny weeny micro-conflict. No need to worry about it. Until you need to worry about it! Even the smallest of conflicts demand your attention as a leader. Small unresolved battles can escalate into wars. Downplaying is another form of denial, a classic symptom of procrastination.
Assume – Everything will work itself out
Megan and Matt are reasonable people. They’ll work out a resolution to their conflict on their own. Don’t count on it. One of my biggest lessons learned about conflicts in the workplace: One or both of the conflicting parties often don’t realize there’s a problem between them. If they do realize it, there’s another good reason not to count on both parties to work things out on their own. Remember those previous two signs of procrastination? Just as you may deny and downplay conflict as a leader, you can bet that conflicting parties will be inclined to use the same excuses to avoid direct confrontation. Assume that a conflict will resolve itself and you’re engaged in another form of procrastination.
Deceive – Everything has worked itself out
Matt and Megan went to lunch together today. They appear to be getting along again. You think, “I knew they could work things out on their own.” Maybe all appears to be well on the surface. Or maybe, as I previously stated, one party or the other isn’t aware of the conflict that you’ve detected. From experience, I’ve seen sparring team members socialize together, leading me to believe they’ve put their work-related differences behind them. That false sense of resolution will cause you to procrastinate, delaying your intervention.
Dance – The “almost” difficult conversation
How many of us have been in this situation? You have a 1:1 meeting with a team member who’s having a problem with a teammate. You have every intention of bringing up their conflict. You start off the meeting by making small talk. The tone of the conversation is light and breezy. As you’re having the conversation, you’re feeling pretty good, thinking things are going well. Meanwhile, you’re dancing around the elephant in the room. Small talk about weekend plans won’t make that conflict go away. Deep down, you know that to be true. You’ll have that difficult conversation on another day. Because procrastination.
React – “Damn it, now I have to get involved!”
When you find yourself muttering that to yourself, you’ve denied, downplayed, assumed, deceived or danced your way to this point. Now, you’re forced to react, which means you’ve ignored all of the procrastination warning signs. You don’t want to get to this point. 
Conclusion
Nobody wants to deal with conflicts. Yet, conflicts happen and demand a swift response. The sooner you intervene, the sooner you’ll be able to pull the curtain on the theater of cruelty.