“Erin on my team is upset.”
What’s bothering her?
“She’s leading a database migration project. The project is stalled.”
Did Erin talk to you about the project?
“Not yet.”
How do you know she’s upset?
“We’ve worked together for awhile. I can tell she’s upset when she talks about the project at team meetings. Her tone is negative.”
How are you going to help her?
“Erin is pretty independent. She’ll come to me when the time is right.”
You’re failing a long-time member of your team.
“How am I failing Erin?”
She’s failing in silence. You aren’t providing the level of support she needs.
“So you’re saying I should micro-manage her?”
You need to get hit by a bus.
“That sounds, uh, painful.”
Exactly.
Reading people is an essential skill for managers. We need to be aware of our team’s emotional distress. Some team members aren’t comfortable using direct communication to express their pain points. Others cope by shutting down. Yet, their frustrations will come across in other ways, either through indirect communication or their behaviors. You don’t want a frustrated person demoralizing the rest of the team. As managers, when we detect these kinds of warning signs in our more reticent team members, we need to take the initiative and act on their behalf.
“So I need to get hit by the bus.”
Yes!
Let’s break down Erin’s dilemma. She’s leading a major project with a hard deadline. The project is blocked, putting the delivery date in jeopardy. Erin is a top performer. She’s frustrated by the lack of the progress on the project. However, she’s disinclined to reach out for help. She takes pride in solving problems on her own. Erin is failing in silence. We have two problems to solve:
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Boost Erin’s morale
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Unblock the project
This is a job for a mighty Kaiju!
Godzilla led the way for the Kaiju, titans of Japanese monster movies. Powered by nuclear radiation, Godzilla started off as a rampaging, destructive monster. As the Godzilla movie series progressed, so did the titular character. Godzilla became an anti-hero, not quite a friend to humans, yet willing to defend humanity against threats from other Kaiju.
“Thanks for the movie trivia. How’s Godzilla going to help Erin?”
At your next 1:1 with Erin, ask her about the stalled project. Drive the conversation. Focus on what’s not going well with the project. Your goal is to get Erin to open up about her frustrations. Listen to her. Let her vent. Let her rage. Let her rant. Listen. Show her that you care. She’s been holding back. She’s demoralized. She needs to release her frustrations. Godzilla stomped and rampaged his way through cities. Give Erin a safe space to go all Godzilla on you. Afterwards, you’re gonna feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. That’s okay. This isn’t about you. After Erin vents, she’ll feel better, which means her morale will be on the upswing.
As Erin vents, you’re not only going to listen to her frustrations, you’re also going to parse the conversation to figure out what problems triggered her frustrations. Sounds like extra work, but that’s what makes a good manager. Remember: Her frustrations are the result of some other problem, a problem that’s blocking the project. You need to identify that problem to figure out the actionable items needed to unblock the project. That’s going to require listening for clues during the venting session. Be prepared to ask her follow-up questions.
Erin has gone Godzilla on you. Although you feel like a bus hit you, you’ve managed to discern the cause of her frustrations. Good job! Now, you have to verify your understanding of the underlying blocker for the project. Once Erin has calmed down, repeat your understanding of the blocking issue to Erin. You don’t want to act upon assumptions. Before you act, make sure that you and Erin are clear about the problem and the actions needed to unblock the project.
Some people are prone to fail in silence. When signs of distress are evident, managers need to initiate dialogue with the affected team member. Listen to their frustrations and identify the source of the underlying problem. As a result of your intervention, morale will improve and the problem will get resolved. Two Godzilla-sized wins for your team!