“I feel like crap.”
What’s wrong?
“I was wrong.”
About what?
“I thought I had this management gig down. I led my team to a bunch of wins. We kept pushing forward. We accomplished a lot of successes. Nothing could stop us.”
You sound pretty confident.
“That’s the problem.”
What do you mean?
“I was confident in myself. Past tense. Now, I don’t feel so confident in myself anymore.”
It happens to all of us. We reach some point in our careers where we lose our confidence in our ability to lead. The wrecking ball doesn’t come crashing down. Self-confidence erodes over time, until you reach a low point where you say to yourself, “I can’t do this manager job anymore.”
“How did you read my mind?”
Well, funky T-shirt guys don’t have telepathic powers, but they do blog from experience. It sucks to lose your self-confidence. So many other things can go wrong for a manager and those kinds of problems can be fixed over time. When you lose your self-confidence, you’re losing a critical skill that you need to solve all of the other problems.
“It’s a scary feeling.”
Yes, it is. You feel helpless, sinking in a pit of uncertainty and despair.
“I feel like I want to quit.”
I’ve been in your shoes. You feel down now. Things seem hopeless. I have good news. You can regain your self-confidence as a leader!
Learn from the King
Elvis Presley had an interesting musical career. In the 1950s, he caught fire with chart topping hit songs such as “Heartbreak Hotel”. In the next decade, Elvis shifted his focus from music to films. By the end of the 1960s, he was unhappy with the state of his career. He got tired of doing formulaic musical comedies. His first love was singing. In 1968, he staged his comeback as a singer with a concert special on TV. People loved his comeback performance.
“Cool. But how is Elvis going to help me to regain my self-confidence?”
I’m getting to that part! Elvis was known as the King. Fun Elvis fact: His more obscure nickname was Mr. Tiger. Elvis had a black belt in karate. His karate instructor bestowed the tiger moniker upon him. Tigers are associated with power. Elvis made his comeback. You’re going to invoke the tiger to renew your self-confidence and make your very own comeback. Here’s the plan:
- Reflect – How did you get here?
- Share your doubts – Who can help you?
- Renew your self-confidence – How do you make your comeback?
Reflect
You’ve reached a low point, uncertain about your ability to perform in a leadership position. You may have years of accomplishments as a leader. Yet, here you are, doubting yourself. The frustration stems from knowing you once had self-confidence in your abilities, but somehow lost it. How did you reach this low point? Reflection is the first step towards figuring out how to resolve your crisis. Think back. When did you first start feeling this way? Good. Now you have a reference point. What happened when you started to lose your self-confidence? Some possible work-related causes:
- Reeling from recent losses, such as failed projects
- Feeling like your team has checked out
- Receiving negative feedback about your performance
- Losing confidence in your upper management
- Uncertainty about your mission as a leader
- Inability to carry out new responsibilities
- Feeling burned out by your job
Share your doubts
Now you have some ideas about the cause (or causes) of your lost self-confidence. That’s not enough to start on the road back to your old self-assured self. You’ve been struggling to keep a lid on your self-doubts. You’ve been showing up at work, projecting an external brave face to your team, but feeling like a failure on the inside. That’s unhealthy. You need to talk to someone about your doubts. Who can you turn to? At work, reach out to a trusted peer or senior leader. Outside of work, confide in a family member, close friend or therapist. Talk to someone who you trust. Seriously. You’re carrying a heavy emotional burden. At minimum, you’ll feel better after you express yourself.
Renew your self-confidence
After you reflect and share, invoke your inner tiger and start renewing your self-confidence. Review your reflection points for actions you can take to make your comeback. Start small. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Pick one action to work on. For example, you’ve realized that a major project failure triggered the erosion of your self-confidence. Do a project postmortem to figure out what went right and wrong with the project. Learn from the wrong. Just as important: Take inspiration from the right. Keep taking these small steps, working on each action from your self-reflection. With each action, you’ll gradually regain your self-confidence.
Conclusion
You’re feeling down now. That’s okay. Accept that we all have struggles with our self-confidence over the course of our careers. The good news is that you’re on the road back to renewed self-confidence. Now that you’re making your comeback, you’ll be in a better position to manage and overcome future doubts about your self-confidence, making you a stronger leader. It’s pretty cool to be a tiger.