Two people on your engineering team hate each other.
Or do they?
Tom is the new guy. He asks lots of questions. He tries to share his ideas.
Ron is the senior engineer. He resents Tom’s questions. He dismisses Tom’s ideas.
Tom and Ron argue all of the time.
The team feels the tension. You feel the tension. The negativity is disrupting your team.
Stop.
Time for you to resolve this conflict.
Battle of the engineering stars
In this scenario, you’re a senior engineering leader on a new job. You’ve inherited an experienced team of talented professionals. That’s cool. But the team has some problems going back many years. There’s tech debt, gaps in engineering operations, lack of SOPs. Nothing too terrible. Nothing that can’t be fixed over time. You’re going to collaborate with your team to make it work better.
It ain’t gonna be that simple though. Never is. Because, well, you have this conflict. And you can’t get things done when people can’t work together.
Not to worry.
Your people powers will make a difference.
Let’s resolve this conflict.
Say hello to Ron
Ron has been around. Great guy to have on your team. Knows his stuff, everything from Linux internals to network switches to Kubernetes. His running style is marathon. Ron takes a gradual, methodical approach to solving problems.
And along came Tom
Tom is eager. But you knew that, having worked with him on a previous gig. His depth and breadth of knowledge is top-notch. His running style is sprint. Tom dives right into problems, asking many questions and moving fast to make things better.
Trial by combat
Bet you thought you’d never manage a rock band. But here you are. You’ve got this group of talented professionals. As a whole, the collective skills and knowledge of your team members is exceptional. It’s just that, well, there’s this people factor. The problem is that you need to find a way to get two people with very different personalities working together for the greater good of the band, err, team.
Acknowledge the problem
I’ve been running engineering and technology operations teams for over 10 years. I’ve seen (and cleaned up) lots of blind spots in organizations. You know, those nagging problems that other people can’t or won’t acknowledge for whatever reasons. Conflicts are near the top of the list. I’ve seen other teams ignore or deny the existence of conflicts. Here’s a not-so secret secret: Pretending or wishing away a conflict is futile. Active conflicts always damage teams.
The first step in resolving a conflict between sparring team members is to acknowledge the problem. I know. That sounds elementary. Sometimes, we need a reminder to be honest with ourselves. Because conflicts are hard and messy and stressful, and humans have a tendency to avoid the agonies of life. That’s why we invented binge watching!
Bottom line: The bickering between Tom and Ron during team meetings is damaging team morale and hurting productivity. The team sees it. You see it. As the leader, acknowledge the conflict so you can start taking actions to resolve it.
Observe the conflict in action
Once I acknowledge a conflict, I like to get a better sense of the scope of the problem before I take action on the conflict resolution. I observe the interactions between the conflicting parties, looking for triggers and patterns and sources of contention. For example, does Ron talk over Tom every single time? Or do certain topics trigger Ron to cut off Tom? Is Tom’s tendency to sprint towards solutions triggering Ron? Or are we dealing with a senior person feeling threatened by a new person? Once I have more data about the nature of the conflict, I’m ready to move forward towards the resolution.
Engage the conflicting parties
So you say you don’t have anything to discuss during your 1:1s? I say: Wrong. The 1:1 is the ideal meeting space to address issues like conflicts. This is where the data from your observations comes into play. Now, you’re prepared to have individual conversations with Tom and Ron. Raise awareness of the conflict, get their perspectives and determine the steps needed to bring about a resolution.
This conversation requires a nuanced mix of directness and empathy. Be firm on these points:
- The conflict has been noticed.
- The team has been negatively impacted.
- We need to fix this.
In many cases, one or both parties involved in the conflict will welcome the opportunity to open up, providing you with insight into the cause of the discord. Listen and learn. If you encounter resistance, reiterate the three points. You need to get people talking, even if it takes several conversations.
Come up with a resolution plan
I based the Ron and Tom conflict scenario on a real world clash between a couple of my team members. It took several conversations with each person for me to understand the cause of their conflict. I listened. I asked questions. I learned. The sparring team members didn’t hate each other.
So what was the problem?
The senior team member admitted that he felt responsible for some of our team’s tech debt and operational shortcomings, causing him to go on the defensive when the new team member brought up their ideas for improvements.
The new team member indicated that they felt the friction from the senior team member, leading them to doubt their ideas and value to the team.
Good.
Coming out of those 1:1 meetings, I had a better understanding of the nature of the conflict. Even better, I learned that both team members had great ideas for improving our engineering operations. I also had ideas for improvements.
Can a conflict create possibilities?
Yes.
I saw an opportunity. Now, I could have resolved the conflict by bringing both team members together in a meeting and forcing a resolution. Nah. Nobody wants to get called into the principal’s office!
I had a better plan.
I needed the sparring team members to build a productive working relationship. The team needed to improve our operations and infrastructure. Those needs inspired me to create a team improvement roadmap. I made both team members stakeholders on our roadmap, building a collaborative project between the three of us. As the project lead, I influenced the team building exercise, coaching and guiding my team members to work together on our improvements. Over time, the working relationship between the team members improved, leading to a noticeable reduction in friction during team meetings.
Conclusion
Conflicts have a toxic impact on engineering teams. There are no perfect solutions to conflict resolution. It really comes down to being honest about the existence of the conflict, learning more about the causes of the discord and talking to the conflicting parties. Listen and learn. Figure out what it takes to get the conflicting parties working together for the greater good of the team.
